I watched two shows this year that affected me deeply. The first, and try not to roll your eyes, was called “The Haunting of Hill House.” It was pretty brave of me because I grew up very religious, and even though I’m an Athiest now, part of me still believes in the Devil. Anyway, the series wasn’t what I expected and I have found myself thinking about it fairly often throughout the year. The part that comes to mind now is an idea regarding what it means to be a parent. In the series, the mother is tortured by the…

My mom was cremated when she died. At first, I liked the idea. It was clean, free from what I imagined to be defilement from decay. But as the years edged on, I found myself longing for some concrete place to connect with her. I envied people who had graves to visit. We spread my mom’s ashes in Hawaii — a world away from where I am. The handful of dust I threw into the ocean air seemed no more significant than the sand on the beach. It was fine. And small. And blew into nothingness within seconds. All of…

Feeling uncertain can feel like wearing a blindfold. Every step is measured — even when someone who can see clearly is giving instructions. I think of it like this: If I were blindfolded at the top of a building and was told to trust a guide to lead me around the edge of the roof, even though I knew my guide could see where I was going and keep me safe, I am sure I would be absolutely paralyzed with fear. This is what trying to make a decision feels like for some people. What if I can’t trust the…

I had dinner with a friend last night. She has been happily married for 10 years — and even though she loves her husband and he is a good friend and partner, she questions the sanity of marriage. We had a long discussion about it. About what makes sense and what doesn’t. It’s an interesting topic, marriage. It’s complex — encapsulating social constructs, religious sanctity, and deeply ingrained ideology regarding the nature of love. There are many things I love about the idea of marriage: sharing life, solidarity, sexual and emotional fulfillment. But those things are all part of a…

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And that was the moment I opened my eyes

I was the sticky yellow substance inside an egg.

something meant for more than what I was

Something that was supposed to grow — contained and nurtured

But freed too soon — I was a runny

boundless thing. Lacking form.

A mistake.

I remember before — when I was thought.

I was contained in the imagination of my maker

limitless in potential, eternal in pleasure.

I was the embodiment of pure blue sky

Stretching for miles and miles

One hand on the mountain top, the other cradling the ocean floor

…

There are a lot of reasons people stay in relationships that are unhealthy. There are those who can’t see a way out without creating a worse situation. There are those who have come to believe they are worthless and are somehow deserving of whatever abuse is being inflicted. There are some who have children and fear losing them, traumatizing them further, or breaking up their families. But the reason I want to explore today is the idea of empathy. I wonder if, in our attempts to understand our partners, we forget our obligations to ourselves.

I heard a Ted Talk…

It was an innocent mistake. The boys wanted a room just like Harry Potter’s cupboard. Mom indulged them with a special desk tucked in the back corner of the closet under the stairs. She had studied the frozen screen image in the first movie and tried to replicate it exactly. Exactly down to the candle in the corner. The boys loved it.

Mary babysat early that day. She was a good sister, and the boys wanted to play Harry Potter. They made a poster of spells and taped it on the wall above the candle. “Alohamora! Open the door.” Mary…

Laying in bed last night, my boyfriend asked me if it was true that women wanted men to be more dominant in the bedroom. He had read an article about it and wanted to know 1. if it were true, and 2. what it meant. It’s a good question. Here is what we talked about and the conclusions I came to.

My first inner reaction to the question was “yes.” And honestly, my mind went to the episode on “Friends” when Ross and Rachel are talking in her bedroom about her ex-boyfriend Paulo and how he was just meaningless animal-sex…