Caregiving and Trauma Triggers
If you have read any of my other blogs, you’ll know that I have a daughter who has become increasingly more ill over the last 3 years. She has a condition called ME/CFS and she is severe. One of the first things I did after realizing that her condition was chronic and likely to get worse, was join a support group. I found myself feeling really angry at small requests, resistant to spending time in her room, and resentful of my ever increasing responsibilities. I wasn’t alone. Post after post hosted confessions of frustration, anger, and defeat.
There are a million reasons why any caregiver feels these things, and they are completely normal. Because of this, at first I just shrugged off all those feelings as “par for the course” for a caregiver. Here’s the thing though: My daughter is persistent. She cares deeply about our relationship, and so do I. So, she calls me out and we talk about it. To my surprise, I am learning that much of the anger and resentment I feel go way beyond the circumstance. And I am wondering, how much of what we feel as caregivers is birthed from our own traumatic experiences?
Example one: My daughter is alone all the time. This is because of light/sound sensitivity, so it is unavoidable, but it is lonely. When she asks for me to come spend time with her, two things happen that trigger (inner) responses of resentment and frustration. 1. She…