Great blog. I really relate to it. I tend to choose the first option too, as I am a "sparkling ball of love" as well. :)

It is so hard. It has been two months for me and I am back on dating apps and swinging wildly between - I hate everything and will never find love, and I deserve to have a loving partner and will therefore slog my way through every open door I come across.

I'm wishing you all the luck in the world. You're right - it doesn't matter why they leave, but damn - it's hard to accept without something that feels rational.