Then and now

2 min readJul 8, 2022
Photo by Faye Cornish on Unsplash

I was raised to fill the space of my mothers need — not beyond

But I breathe the expanse of sky and the starry night is my voice.


I was raised to be straight as a pin and to feel shame in the

growing heat of want

But I am curved and soft, in love with the woman who knows herself

and the man who laughs with eyes light as sunshine


I was sown into fear and a knowledge of good and evil clear as any blade

Yet I am bold in my companionship with empathy. Nothing is so sharp as to

cut a clean line through my desire to understand.


I was born without a surface to set my identity

But I house many accomplishments and goals,

each year a new shelf to set my growth upon

And admire it


In every press of desire, I felt hers tickle at the edges, mixing shame and fear

With pleasure.

But my skin is mine and my desire is my own. I am not and was never hers.


I was raised to love Jesus with everything I had

Without doubt or question

But I cut to the quick of any matter

And will not yield my devotion so easily or thoughtlessly


You are sweet, kind, and submissive, they said.

You will marry quickly. You will never know yourself..

But I am courageous, and my kindness ends at the crossroad of my integrity.

I will leave. I will carve new paths. I will forge my own compass and

Will not relent. I know where I am going and who I am.


You wanted me to accept your apology and excuse every wrong

But I will release your hand and detach

from you in peace.

I owe nothing.


I am an assistant principal at a small middle school. I care deeply about people and I like to find solutions if I can. Life is hard. Let's be kind