Then and now

Photo by Faye Cornish on Unsplash

I was raised to fill the space of my mothers need — not beyond

But I breathe the expanse of sky and the starry night is my voice.

____________

I was raised to be straight as a pin and to feel shame in the

growing heat of want

But I am curved and soft, in love with the woman who knows herself

and the man who laughs with eyes light as sunshine

____________

I was sown into fear and a knowledge of good and evil clear as any blade

Yet I am bold in my companionship with empathy. Nothing is so sharp as to

cut a clean line through my desire to understand.

____________

I was born without a surface to set my identity

But I house many accomplishments and goals,

each year a new shelf to set my growth upon

And admire it

____________

In every press of desire, I felt hers tickle at the edges, mixing shame and fear

With pleasure.

But my skin is mine and my desire is my own. I am not and was never hers.

____________

I was raised to love Jesus with everything I had

Without doubt or question

But I cut to the quick of any matter

And will not yield my devotion so easily or thoughtlessly

____________

You are sweet, kind, and submissive, they said.

You will marry quickly. You will never know yourself..

But I am courageous, and my kindness ends at the crossroad of my integrity.

I will leave. I will carve new paths. I will forge my own compass and

Will not relent. I know where I am going and who I am.

____________

You wanted me to accept your apology and excuse every wrong

But I will release your hand and detach

from you in peace.

I owe nothing.